Ah, seasonal hiring. That magical time of year when small business owners everywhere transform from rational humans into caffeine-fueled HR maniacs trying to staff up for the oncoming holiday/customer/panic apocalypse. Whether it’s the summer tourist rush or the winter retail bloodbath, hiring seasonal help is like speed dating in a zombie outbreak, desperate, messy, and with questionable hygiene
1. Know When to Panic
Timing is everything. Start too early, and your new hires forget how to fold a shirt before their first shift. Start too late, and you’re left with the dregs of humanity, people who list “showing up (sometimes)” as a skill. Ideal planning? At least two months in advance. Realistic planning? Sometime between your third mental breakdown and your accountant whispering, “You can’t afford overtime again.”
2. Be Honest… But Not Too Honest
Sure, you could tell candidates the truth: they’ll be on their feet for 10 hours, dodging Karens with expired coupons and getting yelled at for the ice cream machine being broken again. Or you could rebrand: “fast-paced, customer-focused environment with lots of learning opportunities.” It’s not lying. It’s just the dark art of sugarcoating survival jobs.
3. Go Where the Desperation Is
High schoolers, college students, retirees with a pension and a death wish, these are your seasonal goldmines. Hit up local schools, job boards, and social media groups full of people wondering how to make rent without selling organs. The more desperate, the better. Enthusiasm is a luxury; availability is gold.
4. Interview Like You Actually Care 
Look, we both know you don’t have time to conduct in-depth psychological assessments. You want someone who won’t steal, won’t cry at the register, and ideally knows how to use a mop. Ask a few questions, pretend to listen, and trust your gut, or your manager’s eye twitch. If someone shows up early to the interview and can make eye contact without sweating, they’re already management material.
5. Training: Lower the Bar, Then Trip Over It Together
You don’t need perfect employees. You need warm bodies who can survive a POS system meltdown and only cry in the stockroom. Keep training short, brutally efficient, and avoid phrases like “we’re a family here” unless your family is passive-aggressively dysfunctional. Which, to be fair, might be good preparation.
6. Prepare to Lose Them
Seasonal workers are like your favorite socks, eventually, they disappear without warning. Build your schedule expecting people to ghost you, flake, or spontaneously combust. Backup plans are your best friends. So is that one overachiever who asks for extra shifts: guard them with your life.
7. End With Dignity, or at Least a Pizza Party
When the season’s over, thank your team with whatever budget allows; pizza, gift cards, or the sweet release of never having to see each other again. If someone was exceptional, consider keeping them on. If someone was a walking lawsuit waiting to happen, a heartfelt “good luck in your future endeavors” will suffice. Until next season, when the whole chaotic circus begins again.
Remember, you’re not just hiring seasonal help. You’re auditioning survivors for the next business apocalypse. Choose wisely, or at least legally.
Omar Tarango is a Freelance Blogger and Social Media Manager